Psyching myself out.

Morning of my op and slightly freaking out, just a tad. Okay, a bit more than a tad. I can't even focus on writing something that will make too much sense, so apologies in advance!

It's weird because sometimes you think you're ready for something and you don't worry until it's just before it's actually about to happen, because that's when it hits you. Okay, it's not entirely like that, I must admit, I know I'm ready, and I know I'll be fine.

One of the big things that freaks me out, and I believe I mentioned it in one of my previous posts about my appendectomy (just a side note, I actually spelt that right on the first shot this time!) is that fact that I'll be asleep. Don't get me wrong, there's no way in the world I would want to get the surgery done whilst being awake, but having someone operate on your body whilst you have no control over it is so weird, and you feel just so weak. No, helpless.

Perhaps that's what I'm focusing on only because I don't want to focus on risk factors and all that. I mean, there are so many things that could happen and it might not be what they think it is and I am going to stop there because that was the whole point about not talking about it; not having to think about it!

Okay, my cue to fill in forms and leave has arrived! Eek. Must be off.

I will be fine, I will be fine, I will be fine...

Strange & awesome words #6.

Abhorrent (adjective):
Inspiring disgust and loathing.

Not only is there disgust and loathing... But it's actually inspiring? I like it. Inspiration should not only come from admiration and esteem. If something is so terrible, it should inspire you to want to change it, right?

Anything, everything.

Challenging the double standard.

Often in a relationship there is a double standard... or many! I don’t mean just in couples, but in friendships and families as well. But how long makes it too long before you can break a double standard? It seems like after a certain point once a double standard has been established, there is no turning back.

I suppose sometimes these are inevitable, say between parent and child, or boss and employee. It's somewhat expected that the parent/boss would have higher say in the relationship than the child/employee, right? And sure, that's fine. That's appropriate.

But when you're on the same level as someone - which I would assume to be most relationships in life - why must there be a double standard? It's not fair. Shouldn't we be treated as we treat others?

I would say that it'd be you, as the one with the short straw, who would realise the double standard occurring, but would the other person ever realise it if you don't say anything? Sure, we could go with the benefit-of-the-doubt option, and say that perhaps they're just oblivious to the way things are.

Or as in many cases, they're just trying to feel powerful. I mean, what says power more than being able to do something to another person which they can't do to you?

So when do you get your chance to turn it around? Do you say something and make yourself look weak? Or will telling them make you look stronger? Whatever the case, I say do it. It may feel like it's too late, but now is earlier than tomorrow. Are you really going to accept the double standard, or will you finally put your foot down and challenge it?
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Update.

The surgery I mentioned in my last post that was supposed to happen today has been postponed because I have the flu! Ugh. Have I mentioned before how much I dislike my immune system? (Or rather, lack of.)
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Again? Really?

Apologies for the lack of posts recently... I promise I haven't run off to Paris as my last post may have hinted! Though that would have been beaucoup plus merveilleux et amusant than the real reason I haven't had the chance to post!

I'm actually going to being going into hospital again on Wednesday! Yes, I enjoy their accommodation that much... As many of you would know, I was there about a month ago to get my appendix out (Farewell stupid appendix.) This time it's something different, nothing too serious, I'm not going to go into detail. But all will be mended on Wednesday :)

This past week has been full of stressing and freaking out about what's going on, as they didn't really know what was wrong until Friday (yes, plenty of sleepless nights.) It's really crazy how much can go on in your mind when there's nothing else to focus on.

It's easy to fall asleep watching a film or something because your mind is distracted, but as soon as you lay your head on that pillow in complete silence, BAM! All your fears, obsessions and paranoia come out to run marathons through your mind. It's absolutely the most torturous part of day.

Well I'm slightly past that at the moment I suppose, as they are 95% sure that it is what they think it is. So I'm not too crazily concerned or stressing out about it at the moment. *phew* Anyway, I promise to be back soon to fill you in on news of the surgery, or just for the random explosions of thoughts you usually find here. Peace out. :)

Je veux aller à Paris!