My life.

Sometimes
              late at night,
                            it just hits me...

                                                        This is my life
                                                                      and I can do whatever I want.
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Inevitable or intentional?

Is it ever really possible to be completely honest with a person, even yourself? Sometimes denial and ignorance is so much easier than honesty, and sometimes it's simply because a heightened version of the truth seems more interesting.

Nonetheless, no matter how hard you try, I don't think it's ever possible to reveal to another person who you honestly are. Why? Because we are all much too complex. We have difficulty comprehending for ourselves who we are exactly, how can you expect someone else to understand it?

They would have to live all your years in your body and mind to even begin to get it. In the real world, the impossibility of this concept offers us the opportunity to somewhat deceive others' perceptions of us - hiding some parts and exaggerating others, and this is the dishonesty in my eyes. And let's face it, lying is inevitable.

Before you start getting all defensive, "lying" isn't always the big, scary, mean word we all jump to conclusions with when we hear it. It can be as simple as not wanting to hurt someone's feelings, or exaggerating what you got up to on the weekend. Now, I am not exactly condoning the use of lies, I am simply pointing out the fact that everyone is guilty of it, in one way or another.

So where stands the line between truth and fiction? "Not being honest" and "lying" are two similar, yet very different things. As I began this post with, I don't think it is ever possible to be completely honest with anyone, sometimes yourself included. But lying is the intentional deceit we impose on others; our own way of shaping the way they understand us.

Simple lies can save us, but others push us into even lying to ourselves. And no matter how much people can't comprehend the complexities of what makes you who you are, it is ever worth losing yourself?
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Oops, sorry.

I know! Don't be mad! It's been a week since a decent post, but lots was happening this past week. Totally excusable reasons, I can assure you :) This is just a note to let you all know that I will be posting something half decent soon... I intend to, anyhow. And again, sorry for practically a week of silence.

One of the internships I'm working at the moment though has me writing for them, and you can check out my first article here if you like. Particularly if you are in your final year of high school, or trying to choose a course to pursue next year.

Enjoy, and I'll be back soon! I pinky swear.
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Unplanned plans.

New things, old lights.

People talk so much about looking at old things in new lights, but what if you were to do the exact opposite; look at new things in old lights?

Of course it's interesting to consider past events after feelings have changed, but tuning into old emotions and experiencing new things through this old lens is extremely refreshing. Reading through my old journal makes me realise just how much I've changed over the years, and the way my mind used to work.

As time goes by, we mature, relationships grow, people drift away, fears and passions change... And when you channel those old emotions and your old personality, and place them into a current situation that you would have treated differently back then, it's as if your old self is experiencing something completely new, and not something they should be accustomed to.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense. Imagine placing the person you are now, personality, emotions and everything into the future, into something you haven't experienced before. Refreshing your memory of what you thought in the past, whether it be through a journal, an old photo or even a piece of clothing you don't wear anymore, will make you realise just how much you can gain from your old self.

If you think about the person you were just before you started dating someone and bring those thoughts into your relationship now, it's so strange and refreshing to consider all those crush-induced nerves and the desire to impress them. Especially strange in comparison to the way you act around them now, and how much different your relationship with them.

Or if you think about how you were feeling at your job interview, versus how you feel about your job now. You could love it more than you had thought, or even hate it and wonder why you thought you were going to love it.

I don't know; you know. And you should give it a go. New things in old lights. It's a weird concept, sure. But what kind of "normal" concept ever changed anything?
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Farewell, stupid tumour.

Well, I'm fine :)

The operation went smoothly and I've just been recovering these past couple of days. It seems like it was so long ago, but really it has only been 2 days. I guess there's been so much progress recovery wise, that it feels like it's been longer than that. And if you factor in the boredom of not being able to do much, then there you are! It feels like a week.

It's been easier than when I had my appendix out (Farewell, stupid appendix) - thank gosh! I am actually able to walk around somewhat easily. My right arm doesn't like to co-operate too much though, but I'm surviving. Also, it was only a one day thing, so I didn't have to stay overnight and eat horrid hospital food more than once...

Mmmm... Yum!

You'd think that they'd feed you something nutritiously beneficial, but no. The scary thing is I was too hungry not to eat. Except the meat, oh my. I'm not entirely confident that you could classify that as meat.

Oh well, I'm back to eating what I want and almost doing the things that I could before. Each day it gets easier of course. I'm just glad it's all over and I'll be fully recovered soon!
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