Masking our fear.

We're renovating! Okay not really, but we're fixing up our garden... That's still technically renovating, isn't it? Well it excited me today to discover that we now have a gardener! Though, to my despair, he is no Jesse Metcalfe *sigh. Instead, we have a scruffy looking middle-aged man who doesn't seem to actually do much. Each time I peeked out the kitchen window, he was simply standing there, one hand on his hip and the other holding a drink bottle. Oh well, as long as he gets the job done, and whatever's in that bottle isn't Vodka, then I think we're good.

Our garden used to be quite an interesting place, previously mistakable for the Amazon... but more recently for the Sahara. It used to have all these huge flowers and lovely bushes everywhere, with a lively pond amidst it all... Until the summer of 2008 where everything shriveled and died in the heat, and had since been denied any attention.

So about school, I think I have grays coming through! What is it with school anyway? They want us to stress, they don't want us to stress... MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! I keep trying to convince myself (and others) that it's nothing to stress about. And it isn't; it's not the end of the world. We have to keep calm and do our best, blah blah blah... but how can we help it?

My grade's actually quite funny. We're all acting as if everything is okay on the outside, but I think we're all just masking our fear at the moment. Trials are just next week, and when you talk to each person, you discover that almost every girl in the form has such anxiety. I myself had a bit of a breakdown just the other day in Drama... It started off as simply laughing about something silly in our group performance rehearsal, to uncontrollable laughing, then finally to hysterical laughing mixed with hysterical crying! It was funny, but I didn't know what was happening. All I knew was I couldn't control whatever it was. The stress just got to me like never before I suppose. Usually I'm calm and contained. I guess we all crack at some point; all our stitches come undone in one painful tear. As long as we can get back up and compose ourselves.

We all have to come to terms, however, with the fact that HSC is indeed not the end. There are always other ways of getting into whatever it is that you love after school. Whether you have to study at an alternative university or at TAFE for a semester or a year... so what? If what you love is worth it, then it shouldn't be a problem.

And keep in mind dedication takes a lifetime, but dreams only last for a night.