I'm trying this new thing you see... "sucking all the poison out of my life" as Cady from Mean Girls had put it. And laugh if you wish for quoting that film, but pretty much, that's our whole generation encompassed in a 97 minute piece. Go on, deny it.
So I'm attempting to mend my broken things. To face people you've wronged is difficult though; perhaps an easy task on paper, but admiting you're wrong, asking for forgiveness, or simply walking up to someone you've drifted from, I'm finding to be entirely difficult. I suppose rejection is the biggest thing I fear in these situations. You can try as much as you like to be mature and try to fix things, but nothing is stopping the other person from simply walking away. Sure, you've tried, but are they going to put as much effort in it as you are willing to? And will things ever be the same?
I did something this year... I made a decision that I'm meant to feel guilty about it. And you know, parts of me do, but parts of me just can't submit to guilt; these parts are attached to something stronger than the past, something stronger than my desire to even be forgiven.
Things aren't making much sense are they? Well I suppose nothing ever really makes complete sense.
there's no point chasing other people if they haven't found an effort to stay in yours, and just because of a decision you made this year means that you had to lose some people in your life, then you really shouldn't care. because if they actually took the time to realise that it's your life and you take control of it. i think it's really quite pathetic if someone just leaves your life completely just because a decision made in YOUR life impacted them. anyways, live life to the fullest, amanda. there's no point giving a shit about other people that don't appreciate the decisions you make in your life, do what makes YOU happy.
ReplyDeleteThank you, lovely. I agree. I'm coming to realise that my decisions have nothing to do with people outside of them... Hopefully they realise this too cause as I said, even if I could take it back, I wouldn't. It's my life, my choices :)
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