Unease.

I had one of the worst sleeps of my life last night. Perhaps some of you can relate...

It was one of those nights where you spend the entire time between torpidity and consciousness. I would fall asleep, have some kind of strange dream, wake to find myself in an unbearable heat, throw my sheets off, scorn at the time, shut my eyes, stress to the point where I feel like I'm going to be sick, finally fall asleep again, and then back to the beginning of the cycle and repeat in a similar manner.

However, the third-to-last time I woke, I found a message on my phone which was incredible, from someone who means a lot to me. I didn't at all expect it, and it had this really strange effect on me. I took me ages to reply to it... I just wanted to read over it, it was just so raw and meant a lot to me. I hope my reply had the same effect on them.

Sometimes I wonder whether people know how much they're appreciated. In general, I don't think people often go out of their way to let a friend know how much they mean to them, or how someone has saved their life. I too don't express it as much as I probably should... I think I hide behind my writing as a way of expressing myself. I can never find words in conversation to justify my thoughts.

And sometimes it's simply difficult to confront someone. For example the letter I posted here earlier... Will they ever even read it? I don't know. Would they want to? Can't say they would. Sometimes as humans, we need to get things off our chest I suppose. I wrote it the second-to-last time I woke, half asleep and desperate to say something on the topic. Perhaps one day we'll talk again and things may be mended.

On another note, Synthia introduced me to the most amazing packeted cookies today! They're called Original Gourmet Sandwich Cookies and they're available at Franklins for $1 for this massive pack. OMG. Foodgasm. Haha. They're so addictive, and they're imported from Turkey. I definitely recommend ;)