The recent me.

Challenge Post 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

A lazy Sunday with Anthony

This is one of my most recent photos, taken at Emma's birthday picnic with Anthony :) I chose it because it makes me smile, and so does he. We don't actually take many pictures together, but I like how this just captures a simple unexpected moment between the two of us.



Okay, 15 "interesting" facts about me...

1. My favourite colour is black - and I really don't care if you think it's only a tone
2. I'm afraid of dying
3. I don't believe in karma, destiny, fate, soulmates.. all that mumbo jumbo
4. When I was younger, I wanted to grow up to be the pink Power Ranger
5. I often forgive, but I rarely forget
6. My favourite number is 6
7. I'm a grammar Nazi
8. I don't know what I'd do without Daniel or Sabrina
9. My favourite food is French toast
10. I fidget almost constantly
11. I cried the first time I watched Star Wars III
12. I write poetry - or what I like to consider "poetry" anyway
13. I love overhearing someone talk about me, whether it's good or bad
14. I love all the cheesy things
15. I love the rain

Challenge.

Okay, so I've decided to try this thing.. A 30 day Blog challenge.

Someone suggested it to me, and so I googled it, but because I'm a stubborn person - don't blame my Italianess! - I didn't like everything so I'm adapting it. Haha. I'm combining the 30-Day Tumblr Challenge, the 10-Day Challenge and the 30-Day Letter Challenge to create the... *Drumroll...* 30-Day Just a Challenge Challenge! *The crowd goes wild!* Hehe

I'm not going to be doing it day per day - could be more than once a day, maybe only once a week... We'll see how it goes anyway with HSC study and all. And it will indeed be amidst my usual silly posts :)

And I would advise you all to try it. Whether you have a blog, or you just do it in your journal or something, you could learn something about yourself ? The list will be revealed each post... Enjoy! :)

Art.

This week has been exhausting. Anyone who's done or is doing a HSC major work would know what I mean. I had my HSC Drama performances on Wednesday... All the late night, weekend and lunchtime rehearsals; all the scripting, editing and brain-farts; all the stressing, panicking and nerves... All worth it.

It's bitter sweet I suppose. Our little Drama family will hopefully not disperse after high school. It's been fun and absolutely insane working with the girls for so long. I'll miss it heaps.

But I moved on from exhaustion (or tried to) almost right away. That night I went to the St. Paul's Creative Arts Night with Anthony and his family. I can tell you now, those boys are talented. One guy I can promise you will be the next Jimmy Hendrix, or dominate. The Drama boys performed the most entertaining and hilarious Shakespeare piece I've ever seen or will see in my life. And I was in awe of the visual art on display.

Art is often hard to define. To me, it's what happens when the heart and mind combine and explode a person's interpretation of life into a medium, creating something that triggers someone else to engage in life and see something they had not before. As Edgar Degas once said, 'Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.'

My framed print of Edgar Degas's painting 'Dance Class' is one of the few things that have actually remained in my room over the years. My parents hung it on my wall when I was five and it has moved through seven different locations around my room since. From when I was young, the colours and textures intrigued me, pulled me in, creating a desire in me to be able to create such works.

I love art, and it's one of the few things I'm actually good at... without trying to blow my own trumpet. It's something I'm passionate about and love doing. That, as well as acting and writing (which are also technically arts).

I couldn't imagine life without passion... that thing that sets you on fire, that you could do for hours on end and not even realise a moment has passed you by. Which is close to, I suppose, what we could also define as love. When too much of something isn't enough, it sets you alive; and makes Forever an intensely and uncontrollably desired tangible.

Decisions.

When it comes towards the end of high school, we often find ourselves lost for answers. At some points, the most important may seem the ones we're presented with in our exams; but the most daunting of all I believe is the question of what's to come after high school.

I've been trying to decide what I want to do with my life. It seems a bit melodramatic to think that whatever we decide now will decide the rest of our lives, but I feel like I need at least some kind of direction to head in. I know the things I love to do, and what I'm good at, but where do I go from there?

I can't even imagine myself in the future. Have you ever tried that? Trying to picture yourself in 5 or 10 years from now... Where will you go? Who will you be? What will you know? Who will matter? And who no longer does?

This is my problem when trying to decide what I want for my future; I can't imagine my life so changed. But it's inevitable that things will change, which is the beauty of it. We haven't known anything but school since we were 5... it's scary, yet so incredibly liberating! :)

There are so many choices to make and opportunities to arise. I just hope that I can figure out which to make and take, to lead me into a life I'd be happy with and proud of.

We can never be completely sure about our future, just the decisions we make that build up to it... I wish things would become clearer sooner.

Beautiful Letdown.

I found the below when I was looking at different perspectives behind the song 'The Beautiful Letdown' by Switchfoot and somebody wrote this about it; or more, about life. They put it really well.
 
"Physics tells us that everything on this planet will fail us eventually. Trust someone, fall in love: your scars will tell the same story. Entropy, pain, beauty, love, hope... mix them together and call it living. The choice that remains is where we go to find meaning and truth.

The biggest failures and disappointments in my life have led me to look beyond what money or power or friends can buy. When you're face down at the very bottom of who you are, and there is no formality or pretence to cling to, all your masks fall off. In this broken place, our lives can be seen for what they are, no more no less; we are ourselves.

The question is this: What happens after the twin towers in our lives fall? Do we become bitter and hateful or does redemption come into focus? I've been on both sides...only one is beautiful."

Survival.

Survival is probably one of the best feelings! Rising above something that at one point towered over you with power. I survived two things this week, and it felt so great.

Firstly, I survived my HSC trials! :) I am so glad they're over now. All that stress over a bunch of exams? So not worth it. However, I probably wouldn't have stressed as much if I had started studying earlier on. I think most of them went pretty well, but word from the previously unwise: STUDY MUCH BEFORE THE NIGHT BEFORE! Lol. It'll help.

Thing I love most about it is that now I'm a giant step closer to the end of the tunnel! I have exactly 60 days until my first HSC exam (and my 18th birthday for that matter) and I cannot wait for it to be over! I just want to do and learn what I want to, rather than all this other junk I won't remember or even need once that last exam is over.

I suppose school was what helped me to determine what I love though, so kudos to that. And to broadening my mind as well. Okay okay, school is actually pretty good. Yes, I did just admit that. But where would we be right now without school?

Thing is though this week my immune system had been destroyed, and I assume it's due to the stress, which really sucks. This is the downside of school. But this was my second survival.

Due to the lack of my already quite poor immune system, I caught a stomach bug on Thursday... Which I suppose was good timing in the sense that I finished my last exam that afternoon. But I was supposed to have a nice start to my long weekend of freedom, but no. Instead I was practically attached to a bucket, being revisited by past meals for the entire night. Oh the joy :/

You know what I hated most about it though? Feeling so weak, both literally and figuratively. You know what I mean? It's like we're defeated by our own bodies! We generally have control over ourselves, but sickness just takes all our power and brings us down to this horrible level! It's really not fair.

Well, as long as we're able to pick ourselves up again I suppose. Which is what survival is about too.

Exams - Take a break and come back from it stronger for the next ones.
Illness - Rest and regain control over our own bodies.
Job rejection - Learn some new stuff and be the best you can be.
Broken heart - Big tub of double chocolate ice-cream and the girls or guys.

And sometimes all you need is your friends. Don't ever underestimate these. You know how you would jump in front of a bus for them? Don't ever forget that they would do the same.

Le Grand Content.

This is a video that someone shared with me recently. It's really interesting and worth watching. :)

Conform?

So I haven't blogged in a few days... Sorry, I suppose I've been a tad uninspired. I'm spending most of my days now studying for trials. Oh the stress! All I want to do all the time is sleep. Haha. Can you blame me?

I took tonight off though. I mean come on; I don't have an exam until Monday... on which I actually have two but oh well. Tomorrow I'll be spending the day at school studying maths and rehearsing for drama :) So that compensates for tonight, yeah?

Tonight I finally got to see Anthony... Finally. Man I hate HSC. Oh, and my parents hung out with us too. Hahaha. Twas a tad awkward at some points, but I still enjoyed the time we got to spend together. We watched the end of some old movie, and then Grease. The first one... oh my goodness. There was this long-as sex scene in it :| Well, it probably wasn't that long, but when you're watching it with your boyfriend and your parents... LOL.

To a more serious matter however, can you believe Anthony had never seen Grease until tonight?! The poor kid. It may not be the greatest film ever, sure, I'll admit to that. But it's just one of those films you have to see. Like, Titanic or Chicago or... The Wizard of Oz. Know what I mean?

You know what I realised about Grease tonight though? I really don't like the ending. And no, I'm not talking about the flying car. Haha. Though that was pretty bad. I mean Sandy changes who she is just so that Danny can accept her. They have all these mishaps during the film, only to be brought together finally at the end because she conforms?! Why, Sandy? WHY?!

You should never have to change who you are for some guy, or anyone for that matter. Ugh. That was disappointing to realise today.

And now Australia's Next Top Model is reiterating this... I mean the positive of it I suppose. This girl Kimberly - my goodness, she's a bit odd and quirky, so everyone just picks on her. It's pretty cruel. The thing I love though is that she doesn't try to fit in just for the sake of fitting in. And why should she have to?

I think it's more fun being unique. Who wants to be like everyone else?

Film.

It's 12:43am, the day before my first trial HSC exam and I am wide awake. My sleeping pattern has been so thrown off by everything lately that it's crazy. I often stress too much to even get a proper night's rest anyway... Well, it's a mixture of stress and just random thoughts that go racing through my head constantly.

I've realised lately that there is never a moment that my mind is just silent... not observing, analysing or anticipating anything. Just left alone to sit there and simply be. Even when I'm asleep, my mind is off dreaming somewhere. Is it possible to achieve complete silence?

Anyway, rather than spending this time now that I'm awake studying for my English exams, I'm spending it looking for a film camera on EBay... I'm being oh so productive today already ;) And yes, film. I am really so over digital at the moment.

Honestly, photos are supposed to capture real moments and memories... And these things in life don't have a 'delete' button. Also, film offers much better quality, not just dependant on how many megapixels it can encapture in a photo. And remember those days you'd take the negatives to the photo developers and have to wait to get to see the photos you've taken? Anticipation is so underrated. Seriously, think about it.

Alright, sleepiness is starting to kick in now. Wish me luck for English!